Brooklyn comedian live-tweets couple breaking up on his roof

chasing amy — Break up in public nowadays and *someone’s* gonna live blog it.

What did you do with your weekend? Take a leisurely hike? Go grocery shopping? Watch football for two days and drink yourself sick? Well, whatever it was you did, it wasn’t as strange as comedian Kyle Ayers‘ Saturday, who went up to his roof to enjoy the view and ended up being witness to a couple who were breaking up. So of course, he live-tweeted the entire conflagration, and got some very, very strange quotes.

A couple is breaking up on my roof right now. I was just trying to enjoy the view. Now I will live tweet the breakup. #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I’m not looking for marriage, just what’s right below marriage” -girl #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Your roommates are fucking assholes” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Don’t let me live with them then!” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“NOT ON THE ROOF” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“You never let me talk!” -both #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I can’t be with some who is so ugh what ugh stop” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Everyone told me New York wasn’t for me.” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“You’re so cruel sometimes!” -girl #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“ITS A TEXT FROM MY COWORKER. A WORK TEXT” -guy #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Let me read it then, give me the phone” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“You don’t need to see my phone to trust me” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I just sometimes want to hang out with my friends and my not you friends” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

:cannot understand: -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I don’t want a baby or anything. Not yet!” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Ok so those were the only times I lied to you. Right? We can agree on that?” -guy #roofbreak — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Say something else about my fucking wardrobe” -guy #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Do you see yourself living with me within a year?” -girl #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I can’t think in terms of like, time and shit, Rachel.” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“You think I’m immature? Calling people immature is immature!” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I guess I’m the only one who doesn’t realize how awesome you are.” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Stop shivering.” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“My roommates are always like ‘wheres your boyfriend?’ And I’m like ‘hmm’ and stuff.” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

This guy is four cigs deep right now. #roofbreakup #teamrachel — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Just tell me what you want but don’t make it something fucking gay” -guy #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Are we going to live together?” -girl #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Yeah but what is, like, living together? Like what’s an apartment mean? You know what I’m saying?” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Seriously?” -both, a lot #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Do you love me?” -girl (OH BOY HERE WE GO, PEOPLE) #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Look I’m not a guy who’s into labels, Rachel. You knew that getting in.” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Answer a fucking question.” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I don’t think we need to talk about this up here with some random guy over there.” -guy (uh oh, I’m that guy over here) #roofbreak — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“He’s just sitting on his fucking phone he doesn’t care (talking about me). Answer my question.” -girl (hahahahahahaha) #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

Lights another cig. -guy #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I’m not talking about love on a roof in Brooklyn.” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

Head in hands. Awaits answer about love. -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

Guy’s phone just blew up with texts. He immediately silenced it. Glares exchanged. #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“I can’t do this. You’re a waste of my time.” -girl #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Are we getting pizza or what? I don’t mean to change the subject but are we?” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Why don’t you get pizza with ‘someone from work texts?'” -girl (holy shit good burn right there) #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Stop” -guy #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“Seriously this is embarrassing, I’m done” -girl #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

RACHEL IS WALKING AWAY #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“So what does this mean?” -guy #roofbreakup — Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

“It means fucking whatever fuck I’m tired.” -girl #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

Rachel disappears around the corner into the stairwell. Guy takes a puff of his cigarette and turns to the manhattan skyline. #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

Rachel is gone. Guy pulls out his phone and starts texting. #roofbreakup

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) November 17, 2013

Anyway, the lesson is never talk with anyone about something that matters to you in public, because it will probably end up on the internet. And for your brokesters that are deep into a relationship, here’s some tips from Allison Robicelli on how to stay in love, and hopefully not have a breakup like this. Also, you can see Kyle host his comedy show, Game Night, tonight at 7:30pm at Spike Hill (186 Bedford Avenue, Williamsburg).