Where is New York City’s loudest sex happening? It’s a question that’s theorists have wrestled with for ages. You might have guessed it’s happening somewhere in the Brooklyn Bone Belt, but new research unveiled by DNA Info today shows that’s the incorrect answer. It turns out that answer does lie in Brooklyn though, with a lascivious couple in Bay Ridge making life so hard for their neighbors with their loud, constant fucking that it’s led to six complaint calls to 311 in just three months, which is tops in the city for that very specific complaint. Really puts a new spin on Bay Ridge’s new reputation as “up and coming.”
Per the 311 data that DNA Info was able to find, Brooklyn did lead the entire city in “loud sex” 311 calls, with 42 between January 1 and February 12 this year. The key finding though, was that one building, at 7201 Ridge Boulevard, had a couple that, following the advice of Brooklyn’s own TV On the Radio, balled so hard they smashed the walls and had the neighbors call the cops. Neighbors complained of the same couple kept having sex loud enough for everyone in the building to hear them yelling things like “Oh yeah, oh, do it to me,” thanks in part to the windows being open.
One building resident recalled that another neighbor didn’t bother with a government middleman, just hollering “Shut your f–ing windows you whore!” at the apartment. What couldn’t be determined by either talking to neighbors or studying 311 data though, was whether the sex was actually as hot as the couple were making it out to be. Who’s to say these weren’t desperate people trying to show off, some kind of couple stuck in a rut who thought that maybe by yelling and screaming they could put a spark back into things? A few of us have had that show off roommate no doubt, and there’s no reason why two of those people wouldn’t find each other. Sadly, we’ll never know what the deal is, because the couple wisely decided not to talk to DNA Info about having such loud sex that their neighbors called the government about it over and over.