We in it now, bbs, and I’ll admit this season remains somewhat perplexing — the episodes have been struggling with their flow, and this week was no different. (Maybe deez ladies should try THINX? Sidenote, has anyone tried THINX? I’m so curious! But also irrationally afraid.) It’s no worries tho, cuz this ep was stacked with surprises. I mean, Vanessa Williams and Whoopi Goldberg in one episode? A Sister Act 2 cover jam? HALLELUJAH.
Much like season one’s “Working Girls,” this episode focused on the broads hitting their grind —meaning, Ilana doing literally nothing while wearing questionable American Apparel attire at Deals, Deals, Deals and Abbi experiencing life as a SOULSTICE trainer for the very first time. She made it, y’all! She has her own locker and everything! And can I say that I love her and Trey’s new friendship? I do. But let’s get to the goodies!
When DDD’s investor (played by the stunning, resplendent and creatively cast Vanessa Williams) criticizes the company’s shameful lack of social media presence #likeaboss, Ilana is promoted to Head of Twitter Content, which, like, we all know is the most important part of being a #brand. She’s off posting Very Important Things (Abbi’s before-wax photos; assholes on “hoverboards”) when she is summoned to save Abbi from potentially going all bath-salts bananas on her co-workers at the SOULSTICE Games.
After a few kerfuffles, Abbi maybe has a new admirer despite beating the shit out of her with some sort of American Gladiator baton thing and Ilana is fired over a tweet — which, let’s face it, is everyone’s secret anxiety. But like, what will Ilana do for weed money? Will we ever see Chris Gethard again? (Ugh, probably.)
We picked out the references you may have missed, the moments we’re still talking about and the gifs you need in your life right now:
Moment that made us scream YAS, QUEEN: Vanessaaaaaaa, we gotta give it to you. FLAW. LESS. BISH.
Best pop culture reference: There were so, so many — but that opening Sandlot cover-scene was amazing, no? Did you catch that? The pool? The lifeguard kiss? A guy named Squints, for god’s sake? Bonus points for Ilana’s “early random-core” internet references, too.
What’s in Abbi’s SOULSTICE locker? A few well-worn platitudes, a James Joyce quote (“mistakes are the portals of discovery,” amirite?), a photo of Laura Linney and of course, a cutout of Kween Hillary with a Mr. T quote pasted on top. We, too, pity the fool that gets in her way!
Literally haunting my nightmares: That old-ass Squints was nasty, no?
Best cameo: Whoopi, obviously. COME FUCKING ON, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Holy shit. Unbelievable. It really proves that Abbi and Ilana love everything you love, you know? Holy shit. WHOOPI LET’S HAAAAAANG.
Brooklyn comedian you might have missed: Okay, so, technically they aren’t exclusive to Brooklyn, but may I bring to your attention the Cocoon Central Dance Team? These three bad bitches can be seen as extras in the DDD office this week in addition to gracing stages about town, and they’re so fucking talented that Whoopi Goddamn Goldberg could not properly perform without them as backup. Yeah, you heard.
Best callback: Remember when Abbi was a lowly cleaner, forced to face shower drains stuffed with pubes? This week, we learned that SOULSTICE trainers are shaving to shed lbs before their field-day-esque events. “…That’s where the fucking pubes come from…”
Gif of the week: For tfw you’ve just about had enough of your coworkers for the day.
Get at Meghan on Twitter to talk period panties or great nineties movies: @meghannn