BK Top 5: The best things to do tonight, from watching beefcakes to ‘E.T.’ in the park

It'll be just like this, hopefully

It’ll be just like this, hopefully

So yesterday I told you to attack the week like Jon Stewart attacked John Cena. Hopefully if you did that, the week didn’t hit back at you like John Cena did to Jon Stewart last night. Even if it did though, just get a couple friends to drag you off the mat and to one of the cool events going on tonight, especially one pulled off the Brokelyn Event Calendar.

Ah, here we are, a movie that combines so many great things about the 70s in one place. Baseball, child endangerment, Walter Matthau, the underdogs only coming so far. Kids movies could learn a thing or two from the Bad News Bears, so if you’re planning on writing one, definitely go to this and take notes. And even if you’re not writing one, this will still be fun.
7pm, Louis Valentino Jr Park and Pier, Coffey Street and Ferris Street, Red Hook, FREE

Usually when burlesque comes up in Brooklyn, it’s women taking their clothes off suggestively to music. Tonight, there’s a twist, because it’s gonna be dudes taking their clothes off suggestively to music. This wasn’t exactly what Biggie had in mind when he asked “What is beef?” but just because he didn’t specifically mention it being dudes stripping clearly doesn’t mean it can’t be that.
9:30pm, Bizarre, 12 Jefferson Street, Bushwick, $7

Nothing like a Tuesday night variety show to make your week a little more bearable, especially when it’s one with the pedigree of Backfat. That pedigree lets hosts Emily Winter, John Payne and Larry Mancini get guests like the Macaulay Culkin Show’s Brett Davis, comedian and former Jeopardy! contestant Raj Sivarman and magician Alex Harris.
8pm, 61 Local, 61 Bergen Street, Cobble Hill, FREE

Citi Bike is very excited about finally expanding their system, and to prove how excited they are, they’re hosting a bike-in movie at 50 Kent tonight. And not just any movie, they’re showing E.T., which you might remember for having a bike and not a car be the heroic means of conveyance. Also there’ll be free Reese’s Pieces, because Reese’s Pieces was smarter than M&M’s when it came to recognizing a future iconic American film.
6pm, 50 Kent Avenue, Williamsburg, FREE

It’s the 239th anniversary of the Battle of Brooklyn, and while I think every day is an opportunity to treasure defeating the hated British, there’s also time to learn about how close America came to losing the war. For instance, the Battle of Brooklyn was decisively won by the Brits, and you can get a whole walking tour/lesson on it this afternoon from archaeology professor William Perry. And who knows, maybe he’s an Indiana Jones-style archaeologist and you’ll get wrapped up in a crazy adventure.
4pm, Grand Army Plaza, Prospect Heights, FREE