BK Top 5: The best things to do tonight, from totally blowing it to very scary history

Why is everyone staring at you in horror? Find out tonight!

Why is everyone staring at you in horror? Find out tonight!

I’m not gonna lie to you guys, there’s only one thing you should be doing tonight, and it’s not watching the Democratic debate. It’s getting out there and watching the New York Mets in their potential clinching game in the National League Division Series (here’s why and where you can watch). If for some reason you insist on not being a part of this potential magic, there are some other things to do that can be found on the Brokelyn Events Calendar, but will any of them be better than playoff baseball at Rocky’s?

JOSEPH ALEXIOUS ON “GOWANUS: BROOKLYN’S CURIOUS CANAL”
There’s never enough stuff people can learn about the Gowanus Canal, especially because the murky, green waters are tied up as much in myth and legend as they are in reality. Tonight, you can get a specific history lesson, as writer Joseph Alexious compares the rush to industrialize the canal in the 1860s to the rush to real estate-ize the banks of the canal today. Either way, you end up with sludge everywhere.
7pm, Brooklyn Historical Society, 128 Pierrepoint Street, Brooklyn Heights, $10

SASS PRESENTS: REAL SCARY HISTORY
Speaking of the Gowanus Canal, how about learning about some other things that could scare you? The Society for the Advancement of Social Studies will clue you in on the real life history of both zombies and vampires, which could wind up being so scary you never want to learn again. You’ve been warned.
7pm, The Bedford, 110 Bedford Avenue, Williamsburg, FREE

SECRET SCIENCE CLUB: TECH + ART + BRAINS = ?
If elephants and monkeys and pigs can paint and use tools, what makes humans, with our DaVincis and True Detectives and Home Improvements so special? Thankfully, cognitive philosopher Alva Noë is here to explain why humans make art and freak out about it and what it says about human consciousness.
7:30pm, The Bell House, 149 7th Street, Gowanus, FREE

YOU BLEW IT BY JOSH GONDELMAN AND JOE BERKOWITZ
We covered this previously, but have you ever wanted to attend the worst book launch party of all time? Well, now you can, because authors Josh Gondelman and Joe Berkowitz have raised $1,307 to provide things like terrible snacks, a creepy clown, a megaphone that will be used to let people announce when they enter and leave the party, all in the service of celebrating a book about that goes over all the ways you can embarrass yourself in this day and age.
7pm, powerHouse Areans, 37 Main Street, DUMBO, FREE

IT’S A GUY THING
Guys, nature’s most mysterious creature. Luckily, some comedians like Joe Rumrill and Alyssa Stonoha will be appearing at Over the Eight tonight to explain to you just what it is that makes guys tick. Will there be a live dissection? Probably not, but people will be dissecting guys’ feelings, so in a way, we guess there will be a live dissection.
1opm, Over the Eight, 594 Union Avenue, Williamsburg, FREE