BK Top 5: The best things to do tonight, from pest education to BackFat variety

What are New York City's pests plotting?  Find out tonight!

What are the pests of NYC plotting? Find out tonight!

Welcome to Tuesday. It’s…well you know, it’s a Tuesday. It’s fine, it’s not that exciting but it could also be worse. At least we’re a day closer to the weekend. Also at least you’re not heading to jail for the rest of your natural life like Sheldon Silver. Man, imagine that. In jail forever for selfish crimes of corruption, never able to enjoy the Brokelyn Events Calendar ever again. Take it from me kids, don’t do selfish crimes of corruption and don’t hang around politics for 50 years. Instead hang around Brooklyn do some fun stuff tonight. Maybe hang around politics for 20 years though, we need some decent leadership.

TAKE TWO STORYTELLING
Have you ever been in a situation where you thought of the perfect comeback after the person you were trading insults with walked away? Or the perfect thing to say to fix a broken relationship when it was already way too late? Well you don’t have a time machine, and neither do the storytellers at tonight’s inaugural storytelling night at C’mon Everybody. What they do have is the ability to tell a story, and then rewind everything and tell it the way they wished it turned out. Which is pretty novel for a storytelling night.
7:15pm, C’mon Everybody, 325 Franklin Avenue, Bed-Stuy, FREE

BACKFAT VARIETY’S FINAL SHOW OF THE YEAR
It’s getting to that time of the year, that time where all your favorite shows start wrapping things up until we’re way in the future next year. It’s the first of December, but it’s also the final BackFat comedy variety show of the year. They’re going out with a bang though, hosting Joe Berkowitz and Josh Gondelman, musical comedy from Revolution of the Mind and even more performers. You’ll want to be there, but don’t cry if you miss it, there’s always a show in January.
8pm, 61 Local, 61 Bergen Street, Cobble Hill, FREE

PESTS OF NEW YORK CITY, AN EVENING CURATED BY BROOKE BOREL
A lot of people live in New York City, but you know what else lives here? Bugs, bugs everywhere. Also pigeons and rats. You can stick your hands over your ears and pretend not to hear people talk about it, but you know that bed bugs, roaches, pigeons and rats are out there, so tonight is your big chance to confront your fears. Writers Brooke Borel, Christopher Bonanos, Colin Jerolmack, Melissa Cronin will tell you about this history of each of those creatures respectively, and allow you to finally learn that there’s nothing to fear from them (except waking up with one of them crawling on your head).
8pm, Morbid Anatomy Museum, 424A 3rd Avenue, Gowanus, $8

VOL. 1 BROOKLYN PRESENTS LUC SANTE
Everyone around here loves talking about the seedier side of New York City, but what do you know about the seedier side of Paris? Huh, tough guy? Sorry, just trying to get you in the right frame of mind to see Jason Diamond talk to Luc Sante about his book The Other Paris that deals with the dimmer side of the City of Lights, Maybe you’ll even learn some new French curse words.
7pm, WORD, 126 Franklin Street, Greenpoint, FREE

TOOTH BOX VOL. 3: A VAGINA DENTATA COMPETITION
What’s scarier than army ants plotting against you? How about a vagina that’s just a mouth full of teeth? The legend of vagina dentata hasn’t proven itself to be as real as army ants, but it’s still just as creepy, and tonight 11 burlesque performers will compete to see who can tell the best scary story of a “toothy clam,” as the organizers put it. The rule as always is not to touch the performers, but it’s especially important tonight because if you violate it, you might lose a finger.
9pm, Bizarre Bushwick, 12 Jefferson Street, Bushwick, $7-$20