Hey there babysitters of Brooklyn. Are you bored with taking the kid you’re watching to the park? Trying to get fired in a spectacular fashion that involves scarring the child entrusted in your care with for life (mentally, not physically)? Have we got an offer for you: Landmark Sunshine Theater, right across the bridge from us on the Lower East Side, is inviting you to bring your baby to Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac, Volume 1 next Wednesday at noon. Buy a ticket for yourself and your baby gets in free!
For those who don’t know, Nymphomaniac is about a uh, nymphomaniac, relaying her life story to someone for. Which sounds sexy, but this is Lars von Trier and sex addiction and obviously these aren’t going to be fun sex scenes. The screening, is part of Landmark’s “Rattle & Reel” program, during which a screening is reserved only for people with a baby in tow. The adult pays, the baby gets in with them, for free, instead of you paying for a child’s ticket.
Now, the Sunshine usually doesn’t carry children’s movies anyway, but inviting people to bring their babies to Nymphomaniac seems kind of extreme. Not that we care on moral level, we just think it’s funny that anyone would actually bring a baby to movie that has a (NSFW) trailer that involves a woman casually dribbling cum out of her mouth:
And in another way, we wholeheartedly support this, because if you start making kids scream and cry in reaction to Shia Labeouf when they can barely comprehend what’s happening, it guarantees a chance to kill his appeal to the next generation of moviegoers. So we’re just gonna assume that’s what the Sunshine is going for here.