04/08/14 11:14am
The tax police are coming for you.

The tax police are coming for you. In Russia, maybe.

I finished visiting my tax guy last night and, sweet doubloons of Rangoon, I actually don’t owe the government money for the first time in years. In the year since Uncle Sam last held me upside down to shake the beer money out of my jorts, I got one of them full-time jobs that does things I was apparently incapable of doing, namely paying taxes for me throughout the year. So even though I waited until a week before tax day, you’ll see me rolling into the bank like this before long, and you might even catch me in Rockaway with a long-overdue new stick this summer. Let’s do a tax day check in with the rest of the gang: are we any better than these hipster minstrel show ads? Team Brokelyn, how your taxes is?  (more…)

Rod Stewart shirt not included.

Jamie, this is your jacket. Rod Stewart shirt not included.

Hi Jamie – I don’t know your name or much about you but I assume you’re a girl because the keychain I found in your pocket said “Jamie” in big block letters on a plastic neon flip flop keychain and I feel like that’s probably a girl thing to carry. I also assume you were the one who took my coat last Saturday night at Death By Audio, which I’m not really that mad about because I’m pretty sure you didn’t do it on purpose. But that caused me to in turn steal your jacket, which I also don’t feel bad about, circumstances considered. This is all a product of my reliance on the practice of stashing my coat under chair, in a corner or wherever else I can find at a venue that doesn’t cost money to store a piece of clothing, due to a combined hatred of both winter jackets and carrying extra clothing. It’s part of the Brooklyn nightlife gamble, but here’s how this particular gamble played out: (more…)

03/27/14 11:24am
What're you havin?

What’re you havin?

The Brokelyn Beer Books are out, our Bar Guide is here and that means it’s time to celebrate! Naturally, we’re inviting to drink on the cheap for a night, but we’re also gathering up some of the hardest working people who keep our glasses full. Our launch party Hey Bartender! on April 10 at The Graham in E. Williamsburg features a night of  stories of humor, horror and wonder from some of Brooklyn’s best bartenders.

Join us, special guest  Rosie Schaap —New York Times Drink columnist, author of Drinking With Men (and a bartender at Park Slope’s South too) — and others as they share tales and give some expert tips on the ever elusive bar etiquette. Since it wouldn’t be a Brokelyn party without cheap drinks, we’ve got a special extended happy hour featuring $2 tallboys and $1 tacos!  (more…)

03/25/14 8:00am
Splitty is just one of the fine bars within.

Splitty is just one of the fine bars you’ll find within.

Team Brokelyn spends our fair share of time in bars, so instead of letting all that bar knowledge reside primarily in our livers, we’ve distilled it down to share with you like communal cheeseballs. Presenting our brand new 2014 Brooklyn bar guide! Look here for the scoop on the watering holes, gastropubs, dives and beer-centric eateries found in this year’s Brokelyn Beer book. But if you’re just looking for a great place to grab a beer, peruse our listings: they’re broken down not only be neighborhood but also by where you can find food, which ones welcome your pooch or where you’ll find some games to keep you busy. And odds are, you’ll see one of us drinking there, so say hi and let’s toast to the best drinking borough in the city. 

03/19/14 1:18pm
AoT-starwink-WS.a

Space: the final front-beer.

[UPDATE 7pm: looks like it's going to be too cloudy to see it tonight, but you can still hang with astronomers at the bars from 10-12] It’s been pretty cool to see astronomical bad ass Neil deGrasse Tyson tooling around the universe every Sunday, bringing creationism-defying facts to the primetime masses on Cosmos. And while it would be cool to hop in that late-model TARDIS thing he’s flying in, you can do maybe the next best thing tonight and hang out with some of his fellow astronomers at a bar late tonight for a super rare “star wink” event.

Star experts from the American Museum of Natural History will be posted up at two Brooklyn bars to help you you watch a once-in-a-lifetime asteroid blackout passing right over the city around 2 a.m. That’s right: you can tell people you got blackout drunk with astronomers, and did some science too. Check out which Brooklyn bars are hosting the event tonight below. (more…)

02/27/14 2:08pm

While everyone is talking about beard transplants this week, we found this video of a beard-transplant surgery in action. It illuminates not only what kind of man would be driven to get a beard transplant by social stigmatization, but the kind-faced soul who would selflessly donate their facial hair to someone in need. The video is touching, informative and … it’s a joke, from a year ago. It’s a great case of art predicting life, though it doesn’t seem quite as funny today now that beard transplants may be an actual thing. Kinda like that time five-blade razors went from an Onion joke to actual reality.
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02/26/14 3:21pm
Hipsters the lot of you.

Hipsters the lot of you.

It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples: (more…)

02/26/14 11:39am
Have some pizza mind.

Have some pizza mind.

When you sidle up to the table at your favorite pizza establishment, perhaps you have that little annoying voice in your head that tries to argue issues of diet and financial restraint with you as you consider which pizza to get. “Oh sure, you could neck a whole pie, but maybe the cheaper personal pizza makes more sense?” Well, since a pizza is a circle and a circle is made of math, Planet Money actually sat down to figure out the economics of pizza value per square inch. The answer? Tell that voice in your head to cram it, because you’re ordering the large. (more…)

02/25/14 1:45pm
Hand Job Academy at the No Office Holiday Party. Photo by Patrick Phillips.

Hand Job Academy at the No Office Holiday Party. Photo by Patrick Phillips.

With a title like that, you probably don’t need any other information on what this event is, but we’ll give it to you anyway. Our friends in the funny/fierce rap group Hand Job Academy are holding what is sure to be a rad free show tomorrow at the House of Vans, which promises both free skating and the greatest words this side of lunch: FREE PIZZA AND BEER. And because the Olympics are done and buried and never to be spoken of again, that means skateboarding, not icescapades. It’s part of the House of Vans weekly open mic/skate/pizza-and-beer cram sessions, so if you can’t make this show, you can always go back next week for more free hangs.  (more…)

01/28/14 11:04am
Willy Staley on Brokelyn.

Noted pizza meh-er Willy Staley rocked the Army/Navy fashion for us way back in 2009.

Admitted native Californian and noted Lady Mondegreen acolyte Willy Staley ushered in the era of New York Times food trolling this week. He added pizza, that most sacrosanct of sliced New York life, to the Times magazine’s Meh List. Faced with fierce criticism, Staley and the Times doubled down on the claim, explaining that that “The categorical error New Yorkers make is mistaking ubiquity for superiority, much as certain Californians do with pot.”

We could churn up enough stomach acid to get bothered that his first reference to a pizza place is a Chuck E. Cheese (and not, say, a place on Rt. 9 some of us went to after tee-ball), but instead we’ll point out things that Staley did not think were “meh” in his days writing for Brokelyn years ago: under $5 fish sandwiches in Brooklyn, for one, finding the best deals at Army/Navy stores for another. (more…)