06/10/14 8:00am
Thank Goodness It's For Branding

Thank Goodness It’s For Branding.

This weekend is Northside Festival, when sweaty, music-loving New Yorkers will flood Greenpoint and Williamsburg to bounce from venue to venue checking out a pretty sweet lineup of bands. It’s also a great time for #brands doing that thing #brands do when they give out free stuff, take pictures of cool Brooklynites holding said stuff, and therefore feast on your urban cultural cachet like a logo-slathered dementor. But surely, in an era where artisanal is long dead and Johnny Rockets is considered “hip,” there is no more life left in the Brooklyn artisanal corpse to even fingerbang these days?

Well, no, because TGIFridays, the restaurant chain that first tried to bottle and export quirkiness like it was a box of frozen potato skins, is unearthing that corpse and fucking it some more by entering the food truck business. Said monstrosity of Guy Fieri-approved fried apps will park at Northside this weekend, giving out free samples to all you youngins in its Target Demographic. Don’t worry, in case you doubted its authenticity, Fridays set up a Tumblr featuring a tattooed barista too. (more…)

06/06/14 8:00am
Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at the juice cleanse like so many before them.

Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at a juice cleanse, like so many before them.

Who’s ready to go back to prison? Happy Orange is the New Black season 2 day! All 13 new episodes of the majorly binge-able hit Netflix dramedy dropped overnight, giving you lots more Piper and Alex, Taystee and  Poussey and Pornstache and Crazy Eyes to destroy your weekend plans. The show mercifully shatters stereotypes about women characters on TV, giving us body and sexuality types that would only appear on a network show if all TV executives were actually thrown in SHU.

Of course, the show is based on the memoir of real-life Park Sloper Piper Kerman. While season 1 gave us lots of flashback scenes to Piper’s yuppie life in Brooklyn — and plenty of digs at Brooklyn idiosyncrasies, from juice cleanses to a writer character who lives off his parents — it also contains some full on references only people who know the borough would appreciate.
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Drink on brosef.

Champagne for my real friends; real tickets for sham advertising. Photo by Tim Donnelly.

Hey look, it’s suddenly legal to drink on the beach in Coney Island! Huzzah! I mean, what else would be the explanation for this ad showing three white people who are most definitely standing on the beach in Coney Island, Brooklyn? Because they’re most certainly not something an ad company pulled out of some stock art website after a search for “Ed Hardy douchehat vacation seduction scheme” keywords. Champagne surf party for everyone! Except, no of course it’s not legal. (more…)

05/15/14 1:44pm
Kate get out of our heads. Illustrations by Emily Niland.

Kate get out of our heads. Illustrations by Emily Niland.

Were this a buzzier website, we’d make some sort of slick quiz that uses your favorite fictional monkey or something to determine which kind of Brooklyn guy you are/are dating. Instead, use this handy (and actually researched) guide by our own Kate Mooney to figure it out. Kate, moonlighting over at The New York Observer, worked with illustrator Emily Niland to put together a feature you might consider either fun or suffocatingly depressing depending on your dating situation: “Eight Guys You Might Meet in Brooklyn: An Illustrated Guide,” which breaks down the kind of boys you’re likely meet in various nabes. Think of it as an Audubon guide, but for Brooklyn bros.  (more…)

05/15/14 12:21pm
Summer is coming and it brings free beer. Via NYC Beach Bus Instagram

Summer is coming and it brings free beer. Via NYC Beach Bus Instagram

Stop what you’re doing, which is probably bitching about allergies or how you are too superstitious to put your winter jacket into storage yet, and remember that Memorial Day is little more than a week away. And that’s beach season and the start of everything fun and joyous and right in the world. It also means our friends at the NYC Beach Bus are starting their season again on May 26, offering you roundtrips to Rockaway and Jacob Riis for $12. But there’s a bigger bonus this year: riders get to check out the debut of Sixpoint’s brand new summer beer, Rad. And those beers are free for bus riders, because summer, is, in fact, where rad lives.  (more…)

05/06/14 12:20am
It's like a drive-in without all the dumpy cars. Via FB.

It’s like a drive-in without all the dumpy cars. Via FB.

The past week has been very kind to us in terms of announcements of the glorious free concerts, openings and the like that summer brings, and now here’s another one of our favorites that will help vaporize those memories of a homebound winter. Your summer 2014 Brooklyn Bridge Park movie schedule is finally here! And it’s going to be a good one too (I mean, it’s always a good with with dat view, but still).

The 15th year of the screenings includes new campy summer staple Sharknado, as well as masterpieces like Beetlejuice and Fantastic Mr. Fox, which I will gladly argue with you under the sunset as being Wes Anderson’s finest achievement.See the full list below and then we’ll see you there with picnic basket in hand: (more…)

04/18/14 3:57pm
broad city high times

For real, this photo is 420 pixels high.

Hi if you’re a narc or a square please kindly X out of this post and read this instead, but for the rest of you, relax! It’s Friday! And Sunday is egg-laying rabbit day or something, but it’s also 4/20, that most highest of holidays. Let us take a moment to acquaint you with your 4/20 spirit guides for this year’s holiday, the ladies of Broad City. Not only are Abbi and Ilana, the two young New Yorkers on the show, unabashed stoners, they’re lady bro stoners, the likes of which have never been seen on TV before.

We live in a time when the President Choom Gang says weed is less harmful thank alcohol, Broad City is a hit and space bongs are everywhere. The future is here and it has the munchies. Take it away, broads:  (more…)

You'll shoot your eye out kid

Shoots and career ladders.

If you’re looking for a summer job, you could do a lot worse than operating a shooting gallery at the beach for a few months. We don’t have much more information besides what’s in this sign, except that the place within which to inquire is the Coney Island freak show, and the shooting gallery is this classic 1940s-era one that’s right next door. As a former boardie, I can attest that barking carnival games is a hell of a fascinating way to spend a summer. (more…)

04/08/14 4:11pm
cyclones and derby

The Cyclones, Gotham Girls and a Brooklyn summer: perfect together.

We’ve got summer fever bad, so we’re giving you the chance to enjoy two of the best parts of the season for free. Thursday, we’re throwing the official launch party for the 2014 Brokelyn Beer Book, which you already know features bartender stories, cheap happy hour beers and tacos, games, and an overall good reason to hoist a few brews with us at The Graham. Now we’ve got two sweet prizes for party-goers too: a four-pack of tickets to any Brooklyn Cyclones game this summer, and a pair of tickets to see Gotham Girls roller derby! Find out how to win them below: (more…)

04/08/14 11:14am
The tax police are coming for you.

The tax police are coming for you. In Russia, maybe.

I finished visiting my tax guy last night and, sweet doubloons of Rangoon, I actually don’t owe the government money for the first time in years. In the year since Uncle Sam last held me upside down to shake the beer money out of my jorts, I got one of them full-time jobs that does things I was apparently incapable of doing, namely paying taxes for me throughout the year. So even though I waited until a week before tax day, you’ll see me rolling into the bank like this before long, and you might even catch me in Rockaway with a long-overdue new stick this summer. Let’s do a tax day check in with the rest of the gang: are we any better than these hipster minstrel show ads? Team Brokelyn, how your taxes is?  (more…)