02/27/14 2:08pm

While everyone is talking about beard transplants this week, we found this video of a beard-transplant surgery in action. It illuminates not only what kind of man would be driven to get a beard transplant by social stigmatization, but the kind-faced soul who would selflessly donate their facial hair to someone in need. The video is touching, informative and … it’s a joke, from a year ago. It’s a great case of art predicting life, though it doesn’t seem quite as funny today now that beard transplants may be an actual thing. Kinda like that time five-blade razors went from an Onion joke to actual reality.

02/26/14 3:21pm
Hipsters the lot of you.

Hipsters the lot of you.

It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples: (more…)

02/26/14 11:39am
Have some pizza mind.

Have some pizza mind.

When you sidle up to the table at your favorite pizza establishment, perhaps you have that little annoying voice in your head that tries to argue issues of diet and financial restraint with you as you consider which pizza to get. “Oh sure, you could neck a whole pie, but maybe the cheaper personal pizza makes more sense?” Well, since a pizza is a circle and a circle is made of math, Planet Money actually sat down to figure out the economics of pizza value per square inch. The answer? Tell that voice in your head to cram it, because you’re ordering the large. (more…)

02/25/14 1:45pm
Hand Job Academy at the No Office Holiday Party. Photo by Patrick Phillips.

Hand Job Academy at the No Office Holiday Party. Photo by Patrick Phillips.

With a title like that, you probably don’t need any other information on what this event is, but we’ll give it to you anyway. Our friends in the funny/fierce rap group Hand Job Academy are holding what is sure to be a rad free show tomorrow at the House of Vans, which promises both free skating and the greatest words this side of lunch: FREE PIZZA AND BEER. And because the Olympics are done and buried and never to be spoken of again, that means skateboarding, not icescapades. It’s part of the House of Vans weekly open mic/skate/pizza-and-beer cram sessions, so if you can’t make this show, you can always go back next week for more free hangs.  (more…)

01/28/14 11:04am
Willy Staley on Brokelyn.

Noted pizza meh-er Willy Staley rocked the Army/Navy fashion for us way back in 2009.

Admitted native Californian and noted Lady Mondegreen acolyte Willy Staley ushered in the era of New York Times food trolling this week. He added pizza, that most sacrosanct of sliced New York life, to the Times magazine’s Meh List. Faced with fierce criticism, Staley and the Times doubled down on the claim, explaining that that “The categorical error New Yorkers make is mistaking ubiquity for superiority, much as certain Californians do with pot.”

We could churn up enough stomach acid to get bothered that his first reference to a pizza place is a Chuck E. Cheese (and not, say, a place on Rt. 9 some of us went to after tee-ball), but instead we’ll point out things that Staley did not think were “meh” in his days writing for Brokelyn years ago: under $5 fish sandwiches in Brooklyn, for one, finding the best deals at Army/Navy stores for another. (more…)

01/16/14 2:07pm
Ana Metronic is MC'ing what will be a rikikulous party.

Ana Metronic is MC’ing what will be a rikikulous party.

Times are still tough for LGBTQ youth out there, yes, even after all those “It Gets Better” videos and yes even in New York City, the land of the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck. The folks over at the Manhattan-based Hetrick-Martin Institute know this, which is why they offer programs to help create a safe environment for young people, regardless of sexual orientation. Next Friday, they’re throwing a fundraiser at Littlefield that also happens to be a heckuva party: not only is it hosted by Ana Matronic of the Scissor Sisters (she of the famously infectious “Let’s Have a Kiki” video), but it also features Le Tigre’s JD Samson, with her new band JD Samson and MEN, and lots more too. Tix are $30, but we’ve got a pair to giveaway bere. Details below:  (more…)

01/14/14 3:46pm
I've got tiny pieces of a bridge to sell you. Via Cuusoo.

I’ve got tiny pieces of a bridge to sell you. Via Cuusoo.

We know that “put a bridge on it” is the Brooklyn version of “put a bird on it,” but this is one place where the Brooklyn Bridge seems long overdue for some representation: LEGOS. A designer has pitched a LEGO set featuring the world’s most famous (ya heard me, Golden Gate) bridge, and one of the oldest suspension crossings, complete with arches, lanes and water. You can help make it happen: the design is up for voting on the LEGO site Cuusoo, which is essentially the block-builder company’s version of Kickstarter, without the money part. If it gets enough votes, you just might find this gentrifying toystores across the country! (more…)

01/13/14 5:49pm
We'll ink to that.

We’ll ink to that.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) is what would have been the original Sailor Jerry’s birthday, and you know what that means? Lots of jokes about crusty seamen! Sorry, couldn’t resist: it actually means free tattoos and cheap rum for you and all your adventurous ilk. And when we say “adventurous,” we don’t mean because of the tattooing: we mean you’ll have to go into Manhattan. (more…)

01/08/14 1:00pm
Winter picnicking is a fab way to spend the season.

Winter picnicking is a fab way to spend the season.

Speaking of keeping some perspective on the season, we firmly support efforts to keep up the good fight against winter, namely by not ceding the outdoors and parklands of the borough to those jerky elements. So here is your chance to act like it’s spring time, and win some cash in the process, in an absurd sounding outdoors event called Competitive Winter Picnicking on Jan. 19. The event (which is free to join) is part party, part art project and part pot luck: competitors bring a picnic: anything unique, memorable and delicious. The rest of your spread is open to creative interpretation, and the judges will pick winners based on a whole bunch of categories. Best in show wins $39,a cake and a bottle of whiskey, and runners up can win cash too. We’re betting ants won’t be a problem. (more…)

01/08/14 8:00am
Marty didn't even give them an almanac or anything. Photo by Tim.

Marty didn’t even give them an almanac or anything. Photo by Tim.

I took this picture on July 27, in front of Alchemy in Park Slope, in the dead of the heat wave (almost exactly six months ago). It was a perfect steamy summer saturday: I had camped out at Uncle Barry’s under the blissfully refreshing air conditioning, the Mets afternoon game on TV, sidling up to the bar for a drink while reading the just-released post-humous David Rakoff book, Love, Dishonor, Marry, Die, Cherish, Perish, which was wonderful and sweet and just sad enough. The summer was swinging hard for the fences with high temps, and the Mets were puttering along in another loss to the Washington Nationals, Dillon Gee trying his best on the mound but unable to break the fever of a lost season. With a cold beer in hand, the summer was cresting in all its sweaty, gritty glory, that golden page of the calendar when all your neighbors suddenly turn into an art show hawking beautiful tattoos that burst alive from under tank tops and jorts, speeding by on bicycles. It’s that time of year we flock to bars to abuse their air conditioning, not fireplaces. The sign is, as one twitter follower said, predicting the obvious, so why the hyperbolic fretting now?  (more…)