08/08/14 9:36am
You made fun of my cookies, so bye.

You make shitty beer, so see ya never

When it comes to dating in Brooklyn, sure, we’ve heard groans from both sides of the equation. Women are disappointed, and men are also disappointed, and we are all just wading through a peed-in kiddie-pool of our own deflated libidos. But let’s be honest here, okay? It’s really the dudes in Brooklyn who make this shit downright insufferable—what with their insistence they know more than you in any given subject and their strange compulsion to make everything by hand.

What’s a girl to do if she’s actually in a relationship with one of these men? How can she know when to call it off? Not to fear, folks. We bring you hope in the form of “Brooklyn Dealbreakers.” What is it? It’s a list. It’s a device small enough to fit in your wristlet on any romantic occasion. It’s a guide to recognizing the douchebags who walk among us. (more…)

08/06/14 12:47pm

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It was a hard spring for real estate, what with the whole poor doors thing and generally shitty prospects for rental. So thank god things are relatively back to normal: this week’s apartments are actually awesome across the board. Running the gamut of various ‘hoods, bedrooms, and amenities, you’re sure to find something you like. And if you don’t, it just means your standards are too high and you should probably be the first to move out to “the frontier.”
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07/23/14 12:38pm

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Hey guys, did you forget? Your year-long lease is up at the end of this month, because you’re still on college time. Don’t worry, Brokelyn’s gotcha covered. This week’s apartment steals feature prices that might actually make you feel like you’re still in college, except the hot plate is a luxury gas stove and you (usually) can’t hear your roommate having sex next door. Ready? Here they are. (more…)

07/18/14 1:58pm
lena dunham not that kind of girl

Why not give a fellow New Yorker a shot to wind up here?

You’d think that after the bitey incident with her dog and her perplexing recent appearance on Seth Meyers, Lena Dunham might be laying low. Nope! The wunderkind’s at it again, with a soon-to-be bestselling memoir titled: Not That Kind of Girl (with knowing subtitle, “A Young Woman Tells You What She’s ‘Learned’”). Before we get into all the feels we have about this, let’s cut to the book tour.

Lena is touring the country’s most progressive cities to promote the book, sitting down along the way to participate in conversations with high-profile artistes like Miranda July (Pasadena) and Carrie Brownstein (Portland). New York City gets her twice, first at the Union Square Barnes and Noble (with Amy Schumer) and then our very own borough receives her glittery presence again on October 21 at the Brooklyn Academy of Music (along with Jemima Kirke, Zadie Smith and Bleachers). And in a strange twist on the traditional author’s book-signing format, the Dunham franchise is calling for opening acts to preface each city’s event. Sounds like a great opportunity. That is, as long as you don’t live in New York, where the chance to be an opening act isn’t offered for either of her appearances here. (more…)

06/25/14 10:24am

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This week, the city voted for a 1% rent increase on all stabilized apartments. Aren’t you glad you don’t live in one? Actually, still sounds nice. Sure you could plot your way into living in one of those, but that’s gonna take you some time. Meanwhile, how about checking out these “very unlikely to not increase” Brooklyn apartments? (more…)

06/19/14 2:28pm
rajeev gupta

Rajeev Gupta, winner of the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, resplendent in victory. Photo by Mary Dorn

In case you missed last week’s eeny-weenie contest at King’s County, rest assured that Brokelyn was there to capture the magic. But that’s not all we did: after watching 28-year-old winner Rajeev Gupta (aka ‘Rajkumar’) capture the hearts of audience members with his earnest, keep-it-in-his-pants show of manhood, we couldn’t resist getting in touch with him for an interview. We met up and talked about his audience-melting pageant answers, what he did with his prize money and how we wound up making out with someone in front of Gracie Mansion. (more…)

06/17/14 8:22am
triplets of kings county

Setting up a scene on the set of The Triplets of Kings County. Looks pretty professional, huh?

If, like me, you graduated with a degree in the arts, you probably know at least one person who’s made a web series. Maybe they shot it, or they acted in it, or maybe they just made tiny quiches for it and got to add “craft services” to their resume. You probably also at some point wanted to dip your own hands into a web series. You thought “Why not?” or “Maybe this will help me get laid,” or “I made all these tiny quiches and no one is here to eat them.”

So, with the surge of made-for-internet TV and online content coming out of Brooklyn and New York City that actually looks and sounds praiseworthy (not to mention Broad City getting picked up on Comedy Central), we got ourselves to thinking that someone should find out exactly how it’s done. After all, Brokelyn is nothing if not a highly curated panel of experts posing as your local news source. Just kidding, we talked to real experts who made acclaimed web series, from The Better Half, The Outs, Drunk Girls in Heels, Roomsies and The Triplets of Kings County. (more…)

06/11/14 2:56pm

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Barring any puns about all the ‘comparable units’ coming up this weekend, many of the apartments in this week’s roundup are part of buildings that have multiple listings. It’s no biggie, but it does mean that you should head over there to make sure you’re getting exactly what you see in the pictures. Especially if you’re planning on working from home. (more…)

05/28/14 4:02pm

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Bummed you can’t get in on cheap artist housing? Guess you shouldn’t have gotten that sensible graduate degree. Don’t worry, you can still come home to reasonably priced abodes after your day of microkitchen-equipped co-working. This week’s apartments have something for everyone. (more…)

05/27/14 2:25pm
Were you having a regular conversation that was rudely interrupted by a Macklemore track? You've experienced microgrentrification

Were you having a regular conversation that was rudely interrupted by a Macklemore track? You’ve experienced microgrentrification

Small-batch, single origin, made-to-order… in a globalized world made for the masses, small and locally available quantities of things really turn us on—especially in Brooklyn. You’ve undoubtedly heard plenty of talk about microbreweries, micro-kitchens, micro-apartments and microblogging. If you’re extra cool, you might have heard of things like microaggression or the self-proclaimed ‘micromuseum‘ on Union Street dedicated entirely to the Gowanus Canal. In the spirit, we here at Brokelyn thought it’d be pretty nice to hook you up with some more micro-slang to impress your Brooklyn-based buddies at your next small-batch social gathering.

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