05/28/15 3:59pm
This could be us but you playin

This could be us but you playin

Tired of the same old bullshit chairs in your apartment? Looking for something that will be unique AND bring the childhood traumas of your guests up to the surface? Look no farther than Bushwick, where for the price of a truck big enough to transport them, you can have these two electric dental chairs. They’re perfect for reenacting that cinematic classic The Dentist or even its sequel, The Dentist 2. (more…)

05/28/15 3:00pm
kings county distillery

Could these bottles from Kings County Distillery wind up a couple of bucks cheaper? via Facebook

Here at the ol’ Brokelyn dot come, we don’t talk too much about Congress. For one thing, we’re not Wonkette. For another, when it comes to protecting the interests of humble brokesters like yourselves, we feel like Congress is usually more interested in fulfilling Krusty the Clown’s campaign promise to be a slave to big oil than in protecting you, the humble brokester. So color us surprised and pleased that a couple of Congressmen are taking action that could make your life easier, by lowering the amount of federal taxes levied on liquor, which theoretically will make liquor cheaper for you. (more…)

05/28/15 12:26pm

Here, already, is a column saying the Mets are too poor to afford Matt Harvey [New York Post]
The Prospct-Lefferts zoning study is happening after another contentious vote [DNA Info]
Don’t worry about catching Pataki Fever, it’s probably not contagious [LoHud]
Uber is pissed off at Mayor Tall and the TLC [Bloomberg]
The Brooklyn Bridge Park tower lawsuit ends with a settlement [Daily News]
Local hero Patrick Stewart comes out in favor of eating pizza crust [Grub Street]
Publicly shame manspreaders, don’t arrest them. Jesus. [Newsweek]

05/28/15 11:48am
They're not even real teeth!

They’re not even real teeth!

Is Brooklyn losing a step? It’s a fair question to ask we think. Whereas just a few years ago a story coming out of Brooklyn that could be summarized as “Park Slope mom makes jewelry out of baby teeth” would be a story about a mom making actual jewelry out of actual baby teeth, today we see that story, only to find out that the teeth are merely a mold for your standard silver or gold necklaces. Something this boring from the borough that brought us “Hey Kickstart my twee bullshit rainbow birthday party“? Wtf, guys? (more…)

05/27/15 12:20pm

Someone caused A train chaos by stealing a crapload of copper wire in Howard Beach [Gothamist]
Meet a Gilded Age billionaire who lived in Brooklyn because it was cheap, not cool [Atlas Obscura]
The challenge that led to a Messier-esque Game 6 from a Rangers center [New York Post]
Do you want your neighbor to be a pal or a mysterious stranger? [BrickUnderground]
The good Brooklyn native, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders can do by losing [The Guardian]
Scott Stringer says the city gives enough cash to the MTA as it is [WNYC]
Chuck Schumer is about to get pretty dang powerful, so learn all about him now [Observer]
You still can’t get a custom “pro-life” license plate in New York City [Runnin' Scared]

05/27/15 11:20am
full moon festival

The best kind of sandwiches, for the best kind of price (free)

We’re into the jorts and jerseys part of the year, which means a person’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of…ice cream. What, did you have another end to that sentence? Anyway, it’s ice cream season, which is good because ice cream is delicious. Even better, you can get some ice cream for yourself for free on Thursday, when an ice cream truck parks in front of Roberta’s and just starts handing out ice cream sandwiches all willy-nilly. (more…)

05/27/15 10:50am
Hello I am v. modarn, I ride the subway

Hello I am v. modarn, I ride the subway

Vincent van Gogh was a famous artist or whatever back when ppl didn’t have TV and Twitter to distract them. Some guy look’s just liek him and rode the subway. Now, imagen Vincent van Gogh doing art today and was modarn:

“He’s a fish out of water and he’s just making his way, but the absurdity comes out of no one knowing who he is. As far as anyone knows, he’s just this Bushwick hipster and another pretentious artist.”

“Be prepared to see some hipster culture satire: van Gogh uses Tinder, van Gogh makes latte art, van Gogh gets overwhelmed at Trader Joe’s,” Davis, 27, said.

Imagen Vincent van Gogh use Instagram:

VINNIE (modarn name): Look my best paenting ever, “Starry Night Over WilliAmsburg

RICHARD PRICE: LOL stealing

VINNIE: :(

OMG so modarn

nuteria

Goodbye, Nuteria. via Instagram user dallekvist

One of Brooklyn’s age-old questions has finally been answered: If you opened a shop devoted entirely to mayonnaise and a shop devoted entirely to Nutella, which one would last longer? The answer, surprisingly, turns out to be the mayonnaise shop, with word coming down from Park Slope Stoop that the Nuteria has quietly thrown in the chocolatey towel. (more…)

05/26/15 3:16pm
Looks pretty safe out there to us!

Looks pretty safe out there to us!

When will you be hit by a car in New York City? If you never stop to ponder this question, well good for you. The rest of us normal people at least think of it sometimes, especially when we watch people drive. Some of us because we’ve experienced close calls with almost being run over, and some of us who’ve had more than a close call. There’s a lot of data on the subject at this point, and thankfully, someone put it all on a map and some charts to demonstrate where people are being hit by cars and even the demographic most likely to be run over. Are you a male Baby Boomer wandering around Brooklyn? You might wanna strap some armor on. (more…)

Elope with this elote. via Facebook

Elope with this elote. via Facebook

You spent all dang winter staying indoors, avoiding restaurants and cooking out of a crockpot and braising cheap meats. It’s time to get out of the house and eat some food someone else cooked! Of course, you’re still broke, so going out to eat could be a slight problem. No. 7 North, a bar we’re quite fond of, has your back though, because they just introduced a new Tuesday Night Recession menu that has some good eats for as cheap as they come. Well, no, not free, but close to that. (more…)