Arsenic and Old Chub: beer full of arsenic, experts urge calm

Oh for the simpler times when we didn't know our beer was trying to kill us

Oh for the simpler times when we didn’t know our beer was trying to kill us

Rising rents don’t have you in enough of a panic? Jesus, you’re one cool, calm cat. Is it maybe because you’ve had a few beers already? Oh. Well, in that case, this one may have you reaching for syrup of ipecac: according to NPR, researchers in Germany have found that arsenic levels in beer are two times higher than the amount allowed in drinking water. When even beer is turning against you, what can you possibly do?

The good news from this potentially tragic information is that it’s not like brewers are just pouring it in there so they can slowly poison us like so many homicidal spinsters. The culprit is a filtering agent, diatomaceous earth, which is apparently a whole bunch of dead algae that helps give beer a pleasant and clear color. Proving once again that you shouldn’t judge something or someone by how they look. Because things that look appealing can be full of deadly poison.

Experts are non-plussed, telling NPR that of course there’s arsenic in beer and that it’s been there forever. It’s just that now we have testing methods that work well enough to inform us about it. Which only calms us so much, especially since their solution to the situation is telling us to drink more water than beer. And really, who the hell dos that? The only purpose of water is to fix that awful dry mouth feeling that night after you drink ten thousand beers. Not that this will stop us from drinking beer, especially since this is the exact kind of news that drives one to drink. Oh what a vicious cycle.

[h/t Consumerist]