Apartment Hunt: ‘Dripping with amenities’ edition

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Boy do we ever have your back this week, did you notice? We fixed the Times‘ oversight-ridden coffee map for you, invited you to sit with us at lunch: heck, in the spirit of all that sweet charity, we even went and found you a bunch of new apartments to live in. Here they are, okay?

This 2.5 bedroom in Bed-Stuy  is a pretty sweet grab at $2,000, if you can wrangle a third roomie or make use of the half-room as a home office. Besides featuring Instagram-filtered photos of the space, the listing wants you to know that this apartment is also “dripping with all original details”—like a skylight, OG flooring, and mantles. Yes, mantles! Drip your money into this place before it’s gone.

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I’ll give you a hint—rhymes with Kofi. That’s right! No-fee. This apartment is no-fee. For $2,600, it has three bedrooms—”the master bedroom seems to endlessly sprawl”—and you can bring pets. Also can’t beat the Bed-Stuy/Stuy Heights location smack-dab between Kingston-Throop (C) and Utica (A/C) for those train days when you just wanna go express. Pre-war, hardwood floor. Stick around I’ll tell you more.

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If you want to spend as much time trying to pronounce your street name as trying to invite someone over for dinner, check out this sweet 2-bedroom on Albemarle Rd. in Kensington for $1,695. Featuring all the standard say-my-name amenities: pre-war, laundry room, elevator, dishwasher. Got a third roommate? Upsize to a 3-bed listing in the same building. Less than a block away from the F/G at Church Av, and just a short walk to Green-Wood Cemetery. Hey, and maybe it’s haunted nightly by the ghost of Alba…Awlbe..Abbie… aw, fuck it.

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Don’t need to say much about this lovely 2-bedroom for $1,700 in Sunset Park: it’s in a pre-war, doorman building with plenty of natural light throughout the apartment itself, and it’s close to the park that holds the neighborhood’s namesake. You’d be shacking up halfway between the 45th and 53rd St. stops on the R train.

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Alright, alright. Form a line, no pushing: this 4-bedroom is only $2,100. On top of that, it has a whole extra room for living in—like, a living room. Hardwood, high ceilings, laundry in the building! Located in Flatbush/Ditmas, a few blocks in one direction to the Church Av B/Q, or in the other toward the idyllic BK-suburbia that is Cortelyou Rd. Pets are allowed in this elevator-friendly apartment. I mean, elevators allowed. Pet-friendly. I mean… oh, just rent it already.

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The storage on this place in Bushwick is insane. The two bedrooms in the $2,000 unit are winged, which means they’ll be at opposite ends of the apartment. Hey, more loud sex for you! Or maybe not. Either way, post-coital living room in included in the common space. For the price tag, both bedrooms can fit a Queen-sized bed—along with all of your other stuff, from the looks of the cabinetry. Not far from the Knickerbocker M, or the Myrtle J.

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What in fresh hell? A no-fee 3-bedroom for $2,600 that looks like this? Seriously, scroll through the photos. Off the Gates J train, allows pets, has laundry in the building, and a shared backyard for the rare occasions when you can’t fit every single party guest in this giant unit. Listing description tells you  to “think Audrey Hepburn”, then uses “:)”. Are you being hit on? Does it matter? Rent! Rent!