Apartment Hunt: ‘Cheap Below the Belt’ edition

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Who has time to think about getting health insurance when you’ve got a life-changing New Years’ move to prepare for? Hey, relax: Brokelyn’s here to make it easy for ya. We did the dirty work of culling the market for the most reasonably-priced and desirably-situated spots in the borough. This week’s apartments remind you of how cheap and awesome the south-ier parts of Brooklyn are. Don’t worry, you can drink there, too.

Wait, the hell is this? A 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment for $2,400 that looks like an abandoned department store? The pictures suggest sprawling kitchen cabinetry, huge closets, stunning windows and shiny flooring. They also suggest this episode of The Twilight Zone. What’s that? Prewar and pets allowed, too? Sign me up. Especially since it means frequenting recently-launched establishments for your consuming pleasure like Bed-Stuy Fresh N’ Local and Anchor Coffee. Off the Utica A/C.

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Calling all bird enthusiasts: this cute 3-bedroom on Franklin Ave invites you to “spread your wings” and fly on in. For $2,700, we’re told you get both a true living room AND a separate dining room. Heat and hot water, pets upon approval. Considering how quickly the neighborhood is changing, this might be the last prewar steal before it’s all luxury rentals. Cozy neighborhood haunts like Crosby Street, Gueros and the BK Yoga Collective are within walking distance. Located at Bergen & Franklin, near every train you could want: closest to the Franklin C and Park Place S, but also walking distance from the Franklin 2/3/4/5.

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This next Crown Heights apartment may be a couple weeks late for our “Nice Walls” edition of the hunt, but it sure makes this week’s cut. Heck, I only used the above photo because it shows off the space better. Check out the others to see the paint job on this bad boy! We’re talking pastel splashes that’ll put your friends’ accent walls to shame. Heat and hot water included, exposed brick, a separate living room and friendly to pets. It’s down the street from the apartment directly above this one, so it’s close to all the same trains. Your best bet is probably the Franklin or Nostrand stops on the 2/3/4/5.

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This 3-bedroom apartment makes up in price what it lacks in proximity. On the border between Sunset and Borough Park, it’s a bit of a shlep in either direction from either the D at Fort Hamilton Parkway or the R at 46th Street, but at $2,200 you can split the rent three ways for an easy $733 per person. Hardwood flooring, pets allowed and a laundromat across the street. If the owner likes you, apparently you can have use of the backyard, too. Alas, it sounds like your third roommate comes at the expense of a living room, since the listing explains that this is a three-bedroom flex. So much for “well-proportioned.” Grrr.

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Hi, nice to meet you, my name is Inexpensive East Flatbush Apartment. I have four bedrooms but I only cost $2,500! I boast hardwood flooring, spiffy appliances in the kitchen and a whopping 980 sq. footage of space. I like your pets. I’m not sure exactly where I am on Avenue D, since my listing’s map may be inaccurate and claims I am actually closer to Nostrand Avenue and the 2/5 at Newkirk. Just come check me out. I’m single. I’m attractive. Swipe right.

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You win this round, Bensonhurst: it’s not often we see a 3-bedroom with 2 bathrooms for this cheap. $2,250 buys you ample living space with large closets, high ceilings and recessed lighting—you know, all the things that make you go “aah.” One of the bathrooms is connected directly to the master bedroom. Hmm, I have a hunch this is in the same building as our “Nice Walls” 4-bedroom in Bensonhurst, since both boast grey kitchens. And although I will never, ever understand why that’s a selling point, you should still go and check it out. Right off the 18th Av N.

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We’ll leave off today with a rent-stabilized $2,000 2-bedroom at the border of Sunset Park/Borough Park because, UM, rent-stabilized. If the listing speaks true about “gigantic bedrooms” and “more closet space than you will know what to do with,” it’s certainly an investment worth making. You’ll have a living room, a washer-dryer, an elevator, and decent proximity to the Fort-Hamilton Pkwy stop on the D. Our only gripe is that these listing photos are of a comparable unit…  oh, I’ll show you comparable units! No, I really will.