8 apartments to help you stave off the Brooklyn rent apocalypse

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So, rent in Brooklyn is still apocalyptic. We’re not quite at the level of truly useful Citi Bikes or making your own energy bars but we’re getting there. Still, in the meantime, you need to live somewhere, and it would be preferable if that somewhere didn’t bleed your bank account dry. Fortunately we found a few places for you in our real estate listings that are cheaper than the median rents for their apartment size. So at least now you can have a place to shack up in until the apocalypse comes.

  • First up, we’ve got a four bedroom spot in Bed-Stuy near the Bedford-Nostrand and Classon stops. Do you want three roommates? It’s definitely something to consider, although we’ve done (much) worse than that. Plus, since you’re on the top floor of the apartment, you get a skylight and the added benefit of not having to hear music or people walking around above you. And that is something you can’t put a price on. In this case though, the price is $3,000 per month.

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  • Willilliamsburg and Greenpoint are both, of course, stupid expensive, what with everyone’s parents moving there. So we’re into this $2700 per month two bedroom, coming in $500 per month cheaper than the median rent for a two bedroom. Plus it has closets galore (for hoarding stuff), a backyard, heat is included in the deal and they’ll take pets on a case-by-case basis. So dress your dog in a tux to meet the landlord.

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  • Have you ever wanted to ride an elevator every day? In these modern go-go times, it can be easy to forget the simple pleasures like that, but this $2000 per month 2 bedroom in South Slope can remind you of it. Plus you don’t have to carry your groceries up the stairs.

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  • For the couple thinking of moving in together, then either breaking up or getting married, might we suggest this one bedroom in South Slope? For $2200, you get a yard, a bedroom big enough for a Queen-sized bed and new kitchen appliances. Just make sure you get a decent couch, for sleeping on when you’re in the doghouse, right fellas? ::Tim Allen grunt::

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  • Oh man, check this out. In this Bed-Stuy apartment, you don’t just get 4 bedrooms, you get an extra half one! What will you do with your extra half bedroom? According to the listing, the smallest room has no windows, so that’s why it isn’t counted as a bedroom. But it just sounds to us like the cheapest bedroom in this $3100 per month apartment. They have pills to replace sunlight now, anyway.

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  • Of course, maybe instead of half of a bedroom, you want half of a bathroom? Then go with this 4 bedroom, 1.5 bathroom in Bushwick, just a couple blocks from beautiful Maria Hernandez Park. On the one hand, the picture makes it look like a ghost lives there. On the other hand, you’ll also be near the Gotham City Lounge, and we say that’s worth a mild haunting.

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  • This two bedroom in Kensington for $2,550 is so close to Prospect Park, you’ll practically be living in it. Which you might if you drive your electricity bills up too high while using the included washer and dryer. So maybe don’t do your laundry every day, is what we’re saying.

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  • One bathroom not enough? This 2 bedroom in Fort Greene has 2.5 bathrooms. So say you’ve got two couples living there, you guys could compete to see which couple keeps the cleanest bathroom, winner gets the extra half for the month. Oh god, what a stupid idea, forget about that, please. This spot also comes with an office, and while we’d say it could be your home office, you could also rent it out to people as a co-woriking space to help pay your $2,695 per month rent. That’s a much better idea than the bathroom thing.

2 Comment

  • I like the concept, but man, these places are not cheap. And, judging by the fact that the listing advertises it as being close to the F, B and Q trains, the one that’s $2000/month that this post says is in “South Slope” is actually in Prospect Park South or Kensington.