7 Valentine’s dates that’ll get you laid

Hey, if this is what does it for you. via Flickr user monicamüller

Hey, if this is what does it for you. via Flickr user monicamüller

Hallmark holiday or not, Valentine’s Day is almost here. And whether you’re practically wifed up or starting something new, you’re probably looking to end the night (and wee morning hours) with some sexy time. But alas, February 14th warrants some high expectations, and you can’t rely on just any cheap date to do the trick. But fear not, Brokesters-in-love: we’ve got seven economical dates near-guaranteed to get you a roll in the hay:

THE WINE TOUR: There’s nothing like starting with a little vino to get things sultry, but on Valentine’s Day that bottle of 3 Buck Chuck just isn’t going to cut it. Instead, head to Bushwick wine shop Big Tree Bottles (43 Bogart Street) for a free wine tasting at 6pm, where you and your date can sample some sultry Merlots, Pinots and Sauvignon Blancs. Then, head to nearby Hana Wine and Liquor (28 Wyckoff Ave) for yet another free tasting. By then, even those tiny plastic wine cups will have you and your date feeling plenty tipsy, and definitely lusty.

SEXY TRIVIA (WITH PRIZES!): For a little pre-V-Day foreplay, Babeland is hosting a night of free ”Sexy Valentine’s Trivia“ at Pacific Standard Bar in Park Slope (82 Park Ave) on Sunday, February 10th. Sex educators will be on hand to test your carnal knowledge. Winners get fun Babeland gifts like sex games and toys, which should come in handy when Thursday night rolls around, and you and your date can try them out together.

Love lock on the Brooklyn Bridge. via Flickr user Susanne Davidson

Love locked down on the Brooklyn Bridge. via Flickr user Susanne Davidson

LOCKS OF LOVE: There’s an old custom dating back to the Ponte Vecchio bridge in Florence, Italy in which lovers leave padlocks on the bridge railing, symbolizing their eternal bond. Tourists started leaving their own locks on the Brooklyn Bridge a while back, and while it’s technically illegal, love can’t be contained by any law, and won’t a little rule-breaking just make you seem even sexier? Take an evening stroll down the bridge with your sweetie, lock your padlock at a spot of your choosing and toss the key away so the Love Gods know you’re serious. Then, head to Brooklyn Bridge Park, where you two can snuggle and watch the stars.

JUST A LITTLE BUBBLY: Celebratory champagne doesn’t come cheap — even the fancy Andre’s jacked up to $7 these days. But if you’re looking for some bubbly to get your date in the mood, head to Dumbo sweet shop Dewey’s Candy Store (141 Front Street), where they’ll be serving free champagne all afternoon. They’ve also got a bunch of Valentine’s-themed goodies like gummies, chocolate lips, candy hearts and hot chocolate pops (pops $3.75 each, gummies $10.99 a pound), so you can pair your champagne with a little something sweet.

THE OYSTER DATE: We all know oysters are an aphrodisiac, so what better way to guarantee a V-Day sleepover than with some slimy raw molluscs? There are a whole bunch of places that offer $1 oyster happy hour deals even in the winter: check out Williamsburg’s Maison Premiere (298 Bedford Ave) and Prospect Heights’ Cornelius (565 Vanderbilt Ave) for some cheap deals, slurp down a few oysters and let the slippery little guys work their magic.

THE STEAM ROOM: Old-school Russian and Turkish bath houses aren’t as sleek as modern day spas, but they’ve still got those piping-hot saunas: Kensington’s Brooklyn Banya (602 Coney Island Ave) is offering a Groupon for $15 day passes to their bath house and roof, so you and your special lady-or-man-friend can spend a steamy day side by side, take a dip in the hot tub and maybe even splurge on a sexy couples massage.

A MOVIE AND MUSIC: Ever heard that thing about how the biggest sexual organ is the brain? Well what turns your brain on more than culture? Hit up Nitehawk Cinema (136 Metropolitan Ave, Williamsburg) where you can get your brain drunk and you and your date can watch love bloom on the big screen and laugh at the antics of Buster Keaton in throwback rom-com The Navigator with a live musical accompaniment. There’s even a pre-film kissing montage to get you in the mood, but try not to get too handsy in the theatre. You might kick over someone’s beer.