6 nifty new apartments where you can hide from your delinquent taxes

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If you haven’t paid your taxes, then maybe you should stop reading and write some last requests, because the IRS is undoubtedly on its way to end your days. But otherwise, hey! Check out these new apartment listings that feature ways for you to get cozy on the cheap while you wait for that tax return, in an exciting new “Look at this Fucking Kitchen” edition!

  • Word on the street is that Bushwick isn’t completely hopeless, despite some joker’s misguided attempts. In light of that, how about this gut-renovated 3-bedroom for $2,800? It’s in a brand new townhouse on a tree-lined block, just a few blocks from the Knickerbocker M. Washer-dryer, A/C, dishwasher. There’s even that thingie on the fridge that gives you cold water and ice whenever you want it! Suburban ease and luxury comes at a small price: these guys are just laughing at you a little bit.

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  • I guess everyone can have an ice dispenser nowadays, since this 3-bedroom in Midwood also has one for even cheaper. Pre-war walkup (summer is coming, work those glutes), recessed lighting, exposed brick, actual living room. All for $2,250. It may seem like a ways out when you ride the Q home to the Avenue M stop, but we all know you’re not actually in the boondocks until you hit that avenue they wrote the Broadway musical about.

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  • Sorry you guys, I know that last one was in Midwood. But how about this 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom for $2,650 in Prospect-Lefferts? This one pulls out all the stops: gut-reno, pre-war, French doors, hardwood, “North & Southern exposures”… if this place were on Tinder, you would totally right-swipe. And then it could take you to the nearby recesses of Prospect Park and serenade you with sweet nothings.

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  • In case you’re looking for something a little closer to the Girls tour, there’s always this 2-bedroom in Williamsburg. At $2,250/month you might have to shell out a little more dough ($1,125 apiece, for the math challenged)—but what you get for your buck is a glowy little sun-filled hut off the Lorimer L. Pets allowed: but for the love of god, don’t become one.

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  • Or for $2,350/month, you can do this place instead, and then each get your own bathroom in a duplex unit with a staircase! Montrose is one of the best kept secret in neighborhoods off the L train, and you get a friggin’ roof deck. The post also claims you can convert to a 3-bedroom, which would seriously make this the best deal ever.

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  • This apartment could be off the last stop of any line and I wouldn’t care. But it just happens to be in Crown Heights. Are you seeing this? 3-bedrooms for $2,500 in a loft with a skylight and 1.5 bathrooms. It’s one block to the train (Kingston Av. 3). I don’t even want to talk about it, just go and rent it and leave me alone.

2 Comment

  • I know I’m a crotchety old lady but it is amazing how expensive cheap apartments are now.

  • I too am crotchety. And every time I see the word “roommate” I recoil in horror. I’ll take the worst godforsaken studio before I have to deal with someone else’s hairs in the bathroom sink.