30 people who are not hipsters and have beards

Hipsters the lot of you.

Hipsters the lot of you.

It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples:

plato1
1. Plato
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talk about our grandkids while we stroke our gray beards

Talk about our grandkids while we stroke our gray beards

2. Your grandpa
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Se also: Willy, Jasper

Se also: Willy, Jasper

3. The Sea Captain
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3015832-poster-p-tweets-and-twangs-duck-dynasty-dominates-twitter-ratings
4. Racists/homophobes
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shamen5. Shamen
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072513-MLB-SF-Brian-Wilson-PI-AA_20130725120550820_660_3206. Brian Wilson
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douchebagsrrr7. Jersey beach going MTV garbage types
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I said "hop in."

I said “hop in.”

8. Recluses
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grant
9. Ulysses S. Grant
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dale jr beard10. Dale Earnhardt Jr.
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bear mag11. Bears (gay and/or wildlife)
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kitty_carpet_female_merkin_112. Vaginas
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nhl13. Two-time Olympic gold medal winner and New York Rangers superstar Rick Nash
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Beard can't grow outside of Brooklyn.

Beard can’t grow outside of Brooklyn.

14. The bearded men of space station 11
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tumblr_lgcu6nqjJ91qz762fo1_50015. World Series champion Mookie Wilson
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brucewillis-whatjusthappened-590x35016. Bruce Willis
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josephine_clofullia17. Josephine Clofullia
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teen-wolf18. Teen Wolf
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Rasputin-Big-photos-2-crop19. Rasputin
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tumblr_lvpe5sxV3D1r1kpe1o1_50020. Hagrid
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hasid21. Hasids
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Neckbeard-Reddit22. Redditors
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1101960415_40023. Ted Kaczynski
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pitchmen-billy-mays-1040cs07051224. Billy Mays (RIP)
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al borland25. Al Borland
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hipster santa26. Claus, Santa
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alec-guinness-star-wars-obi-wan27. Kenobi, Obi-Wan
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capt caveman28. Captain Caveman
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Zangief-alpha3-fixed29. Zangief
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12122-is-michele-bachmanns-husband-an-ex-gay-reparative-therapist
30. Marcus Bachmann
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Do YOU know of people who aren’t hipsters who have beards?  We won’t believe you until you tell us in the comments!
(Additional beard reporting by David Colon)

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