At the current rate, the cost of a monthly MetroCard will go from $112 to $168 in 10 years. To help make some revenue, the MTA is considering selling naming rights for subway stations. But advertising and fare hikes lack a certain creativity that New York City traffics in these days. Here are 20 better, alternative ways the MTA could raise money.
- License youth basketball teams to sell something actually useful, like bagels and coffee and hangover medicine
- Churros on the platforms replaced by cronuts
- Every third car on the train is now the Nutcracker Lounge Happy Hour
- “Premium” cars free of people eating hot food, filming comedy skits, solicitors, preachers and dance teams
- Coin-operated cell phone charging towers at particular stations where you’re likely to run out of battery playing Temple Run before the train ever shows
- Ticketed walking tours of the R, G train tunnels (not like YOU’RE USING THEM)
- See something, don’t say something? Fined.
- Install pay-per-use cargo racks above trains for people transporting mattresses, bikes, enormous luggage, strollers, 20 piece orchestral equipment, etc.
- “Pole hugger” fine
- Fantasy Camp: Train Conductor. Reduces expenses in hiring staff to drive the trains, and everyone thinks they can do a better job, anyway
roof upper-deck seating option
- Metered doors for people holding them open for their friends to get in. Fifty cents per extra 10 seconds (five minute limit)
- Train conductor runs open mic, $5 per person. Every comic gets three minutes and the light at two. Two drink minimum
-Private door-to-door bus service (distinctly marked yellow vehicles)
- L train riders donate owl tote bags for the MTA to sell
-”Showtime” dancers subjected to cabaret license fees
- Sale of novelty foam stiff arms to plow tourists out of the way of blocking doors
- Bake sale!
- An Improv Everywhere skit where a mob of strangers just pay a bunch of extra money for no additional services or added comfort
Jokes/totally actionable good ideas by Dave Colon, Tim Donnelly, Eric Silver, Sue Smith, Marti Zabell, Rache DeLetto, Conal Darcy, Katrina Casino, Rebecca Fishbein and Cat Wolinski.